I told you this place is damned. Damned place: why the Swedish president of AvtoVAZ is leaving. The Mercedes company bought the AvtoVAZ plant and reconfigured production.
AvtoVAZ. They reconfigured production, started the conveyor - but the output was a Lada! They dismantle the equipment, bring new ones from Germany, install them, set them up, start them up... the Lada again! They fire the entire plant staff, bring workers from Germany, set it up, check it, launch it: the output is still the same “Lada”! There is a hill near the plant, the chief engineer and the plant director (both with the prefix ex) are sitting on it, looking at all this, and the chief engineer says to the director:
- And I told you: this place is damned! And then everyone: “crooked hands, crooked hands!”
Last week, the joke turned into reality for the Swedish president of AvtoVAZ, Bo Andersson. It became known that he had written a letter of resignation and was going to leave Russia. This will be the largest dismissal of a foreign top manager in Russia since 2008, when, amid a loud scandal, the head of TNK-BP, Robert Dudley, was actually expelled from Russia because his work visa was not extended.
A week earlier, in comments to the Wall Street Journal, the general director of Rostec (owner of a blocking stake in AvtoVAZ) Sergei Chemezov attacked Andersson with sharp criticism not only in connection with the concern’s losses (74 billion rubles at the end of 2015), which he explained by the preference for foreign suppliers to the detriment of Russians, but also with thousands of job cuts, which led to protests at the end of last year. “Tension [in Togliatti] was growing,” Chemezov told the newspaper. “I told him several times to be careful, but he didn’t understand.” In other words, Andersson did not show enough patriotism in terms of import substitution and loyalty in understanding local realities.
However, as usual in Russia, when they press on patriotism, they are probably talking about something else. A bit of clarity was brought to light by yesterday's report from the plant in the Financial Times, which claims that the reason for Bo Andersson's dismissal was his tough attempts to deal with a corrupt and inefficient supply chain: “Since Soviet times, everything from selling spare parts to the plant to selling cars has been big.” a pie controlled by a group of people you don’t want to mess with.” “Avtovaz’s problem lies not so much in the legacy of socialism, but in entrenched criminal structures,” the newspaper quotes an anonymous foreign manager of an unnamed automobile company.
Supply chains were saddled with Russian companies that issued huge invoices but produced no goods. Largely due to cutting off such fake suppliers, Bo Andersson, five years earlier, managed to reform GAZ, leading it from losses of $120 million to profits of $1 billion in the first year.
Andersson began to pursue the same policy with AvtoVAZ’s local suppliers.
Former adviser to the Minister of Economic Development Andrei Belousov, Yan Khanov, recalls in an interview with FT that Andersson (a timid man who was himself a career army officer) was forced to walk around Tolyatti with armed guards in 2014: “He had to meet with officials who threatened him if certain parts will not be used. The business there is legacy and family-run, and no one wants to lose it.”
Some suppliers began to deliberately delay deliveries, which repeatedly led to the shutdown of the conveyor. Bo Andersson accepted this challenge and terminated contracts with those who were unable to deliver their products on time and at a lower price. And when Rostec tried to lobby for Avtovaz’s purchase of one of the suppliers, United Automotive Technologies OJSC, Andersson opposed this deal, which made him an enemy in the person of Sergei Chemezov. Another local supplier, Avtovaz Aggregate, is currently going through bankruptcy proceedings.
As a result of these measures, the number of officially registered unemployed in Tolyatti increased from 2,700 to almost 10,000 people, although the communists, the organizers of recent rallies against the concern’s policies, say about 20,000. Pressure from the local administration, suppliers and sales agents reached the management of Rostec, as a result of which the Swedish manager’s premature resignation occurred. According to Vedomosti, shareholders are going to change the management structure of AvtoVAZ. In the summer, a candidate from Rostec may be elected chairman of the company’s board of directors, who will interact with the authorities and oversee social issues - that is, deal with things more familiar to a Russian business executive, and not purely market issues, like Bo Andersson.
Ah, simple-minded Swedes, children of the harsh northern forests and Protestant pastors! Faced with the fluid Russian reality, they try to change it - and some leave on their own, like Andersson, and others break down, like his compatriot Per Kaufman, IKEA director for Central and Eastern Europe, who was fired in 2010 on suspicion of giving a bribe: they say that IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad cried when he kicked out his closest associate. The former director of IKEA for Russia, Lennart Dahlgren, wrote the book “How I Conquered Russia, and She Conquered Me” about these collisions. And they just had to learn Pelevin’s theorem from the novel “Generation P” (also the basic economic law of the post-socialist formation), which states: “When property rights are specified by concepts under the conditions of a liberal model, the gross national product (GNP) asymptotically approaches the total amount of transaction costs regardless of the allocation of resources and bare markets.”
In other words, foreign investors and managers should understand that the purpose of economic activity in Russia is not the production of goods and services and not making a profit in conditions of market competition, but the non-market appropriation of public and private resources (purists call it theft), during which side activities produce those same goods. And then they would see that a huge automobile plant may not be a spherical market agent in a vacuum, but a giant feeding trough, the main purpose of which is to feed supply chains, managers, regional and federal officials with affiliated firms, relatives and clientele, “friends and acquaintances of the rabbit.” . On the other hand, the plant feeds a large single-industry town - both from its social obligations (albeit largely fictitious, but symbolically significant) and from its resources: fellow sociologists in Tolyatti testify that the “garage economy” in the city is based on trade spare parts, has thousands of services and itself is almost larger than the main production at the plant, where people sit for months on forced leave - so the unemployment figures of 20,000 people are partly disingenuous. They also say that suppliers came to meetings with Andersson in a Bentley and, grinning, said that there was no money to modernize production.
In this sense, AvtoVAZ primarily produces those same Pelevin transaction costs, spatial, political and social hierarchies, traditional mechanisms of resource redistribution, in which losses are nationalized and profits are privatized. And only secondarily is he concerned with the production of cheap and competitive cars: why worry if import duties, state subsidies and national habits will maintain minimal demand for a long time and the budget will never abandon socially significant production and a strategic national product in trouble. The Swede encroached on the sacred. If only he had calmed down, worked well with people, entered into a scheme, settled on a budget, received kickbacks at 40% - he would have long ago arranged for himself an island in the Stockholm archipelago with a 100-foot yacht for retirement. Or in the seas further south, where morals are softer, they don’t ask unnecessary questions about the origin of capital and yachts are moored not with their bow to the pier, but with their stern.
No, I decided to produce good cars and cut costs. For which he himself suffered.
And in conclusion, one more Soviet joke. They ask the Armenian radio: is it possible to build a Swedish model of socialism in the USSR? It’s possible, the radio answers, but where can you get so many Swedes? There really is no shortage of Swedish managers, as well as Swedish workers, suppliers, police officers and politicians in our vast country.
AvtoVAZ has been unable to carry out a crash test of the Lada Kalina for several months in a row: the dummy either has time to jump out or presses the brake.
The Minister of Transport reports to Putin at a Cabinet meeting regarding AvtoVAZ:
— I have two news, bad and good.
1. bad - there was a fire at AvtoVAZ!
2. good - EVERYTHING BURNED!!!
The Mercedes company bought the AvtoVAZ plant.
We reconfigured production, launched the conveyor...
Bang! Zhiguli is coming out!
They dismantle the equipment, bring new ones from Germany, install them, set them up, and start them up.
Zhiguli again!!!
They fucking fire the entire plant staff, bring workers from Germany, set it up, check it, launch it.
STSUKO! At the exit again - Zhiguli!
There is a hill near the plant, on which the chief engineer and the director of the plant (both with the prefix “ex”) are resting. They look at all this.
Engineer to director:
- And I told you - this place is damned! Otherwise it’s all “hands out of your ass, hands out of your ass”...
Starting next year, AvtoVAZ and Renault are jointly planning to start selling Ladas in the UK. They hope that the British will buy cars as “budget” ones, at about 5,000 pounds per car.
On this occasion, the Daily Mail published a selection of English jokes about Lada.
1. What do Lada and a bathroom have in common? Neither one nor the other is worth showing off in public.
2. What is the name of the Lada that drove to the top of the hill? Miraculously
3. What are the name of the shock absorbers in Lada? Passengers
4. What is the name of a Lada with two exhaust pipes? Wheelbarrow
5. Do you know that the instructions for the Lada take 500 pages? 2 about how to use the car and 498 with bus schedules
6. What do you call a Lada with working brakes? Tuned.
The German came to Russia to drive AvtoVAZ. He walks around and looks at everyone’s hands.
One couldn’t stand it and asked the translator:
- Why is he looking at your hands?
Translator:
“He bought a Zhiguli in Germany, so he’s looking: maybe there’s something wrong with your hands.”
Naive Russians believe that under the recycling program they are getting rid of old trash. No, AvtoVAZ is getting rid of it.
“We will transfer all officials to domestic cars!” Putin said curtly, jumped into a Mercedes Pullman and quickly sped away from AvtoVAZ.
I wanted good music: Mozart, Bach... When I asked for “classics,” the search engine suggested Moscow prostitutes and AvtoVAZ dealers.
What do the general director of Mercedes and the general director of AvtoVAZ have in common?.. They both drive Mercedes.
AvtoVAZ has recalled all cars due to technical problems in all components; the AvtoVAZ concern has recalled all cars produced since the company's existence. The money to the owners will be reimbursed in the ratio of 1r. 30kop. for 1 kg of car.
News: starting from 2012, AvtoVAZ will produce wheelchairs!
— What is the plant doing now?
— They create a customer base for future production.
AvtoVAZ engineers at the Dmitrovsky training ground proved that four tall men in the Oka increase the rigidity of the body several times.
— In fact, you can weld without a mask. First you set a goal, then close your eyes, turn on the device and cook.
— It looks like they do this at AvtoVAZ.
General Motors is recalling about 1.5 million vehicles due to a defect in the windshield wiper heating system.
At AVTOVAZ they don’t even understand what we’re talking about
From the instructions for the VAZ car - it is not recommended to be in the car at the time of the accident.
The General Director of AvtoVAZ was awarded the Order of the Legion of Honor for his invaluable contribution to the promotion of French cars on the Russian market.
Judging by the sculptures without heads and hands, the designers of AvtoVAZ have been known since ancient times.
At AvtoVAZ, a Lada Kalina was mysteriously stolen from the assembly line.
They didn’t look for her because the thief punished himself.
In one of the interviews, AvtoVAZ management said that AvtoVAZ is a living organism.
They themselves did not understand how right they were. This organism feeds on metal, glass, plastic and rubber, and its output is like that of any living organism...
Drivers of a VAZ car can endlessly look at three things: how the antifreeze flows, how the headlight does not light up, and how others overtake them!
In the competition for a name for AvtoVAZ’s new car, the name “Evpatiy Kolovrat” won – it is this combination of letters that most accurately reflects the design and driving performance of the product.
Only one boy in the Orlyonok camp was not afraid when in the evening in the ward they told a horror story about a coffin on wheels, because his dad worked at AvtoVAZ.
AVTOVAZ is going to produce a “budget” car LADA 2190. From the front it looks like a “Priora”, at the back it looks like a “KALINA”. The whole world is going to come up with a name. What’s there to think about - “PRIKOLINA.”
New Year's promotion from AvtoVAZ!
Lada Kalina in the “Shaman” package with a special compartment for a tambourine and mallet! Only for professionals!
The Germans bought AvtoVAZ and decided to produce Mercedes. We brought in our expensive equipment, checked the drawings, and launched the conveyor. At the exit - "Zhiguli". The Germans, in panic, dispersed all the Russian workers and brought in their own. They try again - again the Zhiguli. Another attempt - in vain. Nearby, on a hillock near the plant, are the former general director and chief designer. The seasoned engineer, taking a drag, nudges his boss in the side and notes with a smile: “I told you that this place is damned, and you’re all: hands out of your ass, hands out of your ass.”
Ukrainian basketball is not a name, not a status, not a type, and not even a physical state. Over and over again you ask yourself the question of how he still hasn’t died on the sidewalk, and there are practically no clear answers, other than suspicions about the benefits of corruption schemes, with the exception of standard conversations about enthusiasts who value the idea itself. At its core, playing with an orange ball in this country is like a pathetic insect that big guys from any government can easily crush (remember the case of the Euroleague in Kiev, which has been selling out the Sports Palace for two years now, or the confrontation between Firtash and Timoshenko), but it still adapts to new difficulties and continues not so much life as a miserable existence from subsidy to subsidy from those for whom it is nothing more than just a toy.
The Ukrainian national team has no place at EuroBasket. She completely failed the selection, there is no interest in her, no trust within, there are practically no prospects
The Ukrainian national team has no place at EuroBasket. She completely failed the selection, there is no interest in her, there is no trust within, there are practically no prospects, there is no class, there are no performers capable of worthy of fighting at the championship of the Old World. She is simply not ready for such a tournament, and the fiasco in this area did not occur yesterday, or even a week ago. Preparations for this kind of competition should have begun fifteen years ago, when the ruins of the world-famous Soviet school were not only working to the point of wear and tear, but were barely dragging their own feet. Therefore, in a country where there was always a place for gifted performers, a classic failure was organized: a couple of sprouts made their way through the asphalt and acquired the status of players of a good continental level (Drozdov and Lishchuk), several more have/had the makings to crawl up to them (Gladyr, Pecherov, Fesenko), and behind them there is simply an abyss, not so much on a human level, but in terms of the complex of talent, preparation, and self-confidence. All this is not laid down at the age of twenty-five and, as a result, the “rest of the world” is no more than just hostages of the time in which they were born.
Mike Fratello is the best thing that happened to Ukrainian basketball since the days of Alexander Okunsky. Many reacted to the appointment of the American Specialist with a capital “S” with a huge degree of skepticism and hostility, and when they learned about the financial component, they were completely indignant. When the general public learned that this invitation turned out to be the initiative of a certain number of private structures and the individuals behind them, everything calmed down a little, but the cries about “it would be better if you built playgrounds for children” still do not subside. The mentality makes everyone happily share other people’s money when their own wallet is full of kilometer-long holes. However, these people give in too much to emotions, forgetting about the realities. The characters who pay for this entire event could safely buy themselves a sixth yacht, a fifteenth house, an eighteenth and a twenty-third car, go to Monte Carlo and frolic in the local casinos, in general, spend serious financial investments to satisfy exclusively their life needs, and no one would really dare influence their decision. Nevertheless, they made such a “knight’s move”, and it should not be assessed solely based on the result of their performance at the upcoming tournament, it is not on the surface, it is deeper.
I still remember the press conference of Valentin Melnichuk after the saving sixth game in the battle for relegation and relegation. Then the man who had recently led the Portuguese “beachers” team to the EuroBasket and managed to make a fair bit of noise with it at the continental championship, admitted that he simply did not want to drive himself into an grave, because he had such disgusting conditions as he had in the then national team. I have never seen in my life, despite the fact that I have worked for many years and under a variety of regimes “at the top.” And it is not only possible, but also necessary to understand. Unlike crooks, parasites or simply general specialists who talk at every corner about how to impregnate tram sleepers, people of the old school work with their hearts, because they grew up and found their feet under different principles, for them a word and a promise mean much more than a signature in a contract. Now the team has received something it never had before. She found ground and a springboard beneath her.
The guys who were forced to spend their entire lives working with people who did not meet world standards and requirements were given a real chance to work in the system preached by real professionals. Both names and principles are important here, and both provide invaluable experience. Brian Hill will forever go down in history as the only coach who managed to beat the Chicago team of Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson in the era of the “golden nineties”, when they already smelled the taste and smell of enemy flesh and blood. Last summer, Ed Pinckney and Tom Thibodeau drove the Bulls so hard that Joakim Noah thought he was in a military camp rather than an NBA team. Result?
His team won the regular season with a suboptimal lineup, and Derrick Rose became the “Most Valuable Player” of the strongest league in the world, not to mention the rest of the specialists or Fratello himself, who challenged the “Symbolic All-Star Team of the Eighties,” based in Boston. Even the status of these people should force any athlete with the slightest self-respect to sit and listen to every word, work in training with triple energy and remember not only the basics of their vision, but even each, even the most basic exercise, its duration and requirements .
It is through this that the Ukrainian national team will try to level out at least a minimal, but still part of all those miscalculations that have been made over the past one and a half, or even two decades. It is impossible to fix everything, you cannot teach a player to think and adapt faster to what is happening around him in forty training sessions and three friendly tournaments, but this is already a shift from a dead point.
You need to look at things realistically: representatives of the “yellow-blue” squadron will not get to any Olympics, the World Championships are not particularly likely for them even in the first approximation, and therefore, even if they are, innovations are worth the money invested in them, because they will give much more ground for progress than five years of playing practice in a dead national championship. Therefore, all the basketball players of the “interested party” are put through this methodology, even placing the head of the club, who presents the “checkbook” to the coaching staff, so that he, too, learns and puts this into practice in the coming season. Whoever dines a girl dances her. This is one of the foundations of capitalism.
I could believe in leaving the group with a full composition and Fratello’s name on the protocol. Due to targeted decisions, leadership qualities of individual men and dedication, this could be achieved with the help of extreme efforts, but the story of the loss of the two best players on the “wings” in this team hit very hard both on its prospects and on the results of the work of those people who began to lead a rusty and leaky boat on a long voyage without oars, motor or sail.
The situation with Drozdov and his possible/probable disqualification once again emphasizes the flawed nature of Ukrainian basketball as a phenomenon. Arthur is no longer 23 or 25; he still has a couple of good productive years in his career. Everything else, given his history of injuries, is the will of fate.
The situation with Drozdov and his possible/probable disqualification once again emphasizes the flawed nature of Ukrainian basketball as a phenomenon
Only, unlike the characters who were always registered in the ranks of federations and committees, no one guaranteed him anything after finishing his career, and he, like any self-respecting athlete, thinks about simply creating a financial reserve for himself, ensuring a more or less human future, which is extremely important for a third world country like Ukraine.
And if a professional athlete, faced with a choice: sign an agreement in good health or go to the national team and break down again, as before, risking losing not only a significant amount of money, but also subjecting his health to another test, chooses the first, publicly admitting his guilt for this “act” in front of the headquarters of the national squad and fans, then any kind of removal looks simply idiotic.
Or maybe the governing bodies have a piece of paper with a stamp, which is a kind of promissory note? “I, the undersigned, borrow five million dollars and undertake to come to the headquarters of the national team each time within two days from the moment of the call, demanding that they provide me with a separate bed, a wardrobe and three meals a day at the expense of the Federation. Date of. Surname. Signature". There's no such thing? So don’t fool yourself or others.
The loss of Gladyr, the first guard in a long time to combine shooting, athleticism and the ability to put the ball on the floor and drag it around the court a little, sent the community of few basketball fans into a state of shock. This feeling arose not only because of the problematic position, but because of the look towards the career of the player himself, who, instead of progressing in a strong championship, is forced to deal with his far from minor sores.
Fratello had virtually no choice. He will try to put pressure on the opponents in front with the help of aggressive moves from the big men.
Fratello had virtually no choice. He will try to put pressure on the opponents in front with the help of aggressive actions from the big men, actively load and feed them, trying to punish the opponents for “pulling” with the help of open long shots and passes from inside to the perimeter. Serious problems for this team begin when Ukraine stops using easy, uncomplicated combinations, which the more or less assembled and prepared opposing team will happily break. There is no mutual understanding and response directly on the floor. There is no echo. The head coach tried to partially solve this problem by “naturalizing” American defender Burtt, but only partially.
Firstly, Stephen’s playing style has little to do with the concept of positional play, because he is a classic aggressive “scoring guard” who loves to work one on one and loves to use exchanges to his advantage. Secondly, the process of “Ukrainization” of this guy, to put it mildly, is “smelly”, because according to the laws of Ukraine, a person hoping to obtain citizenship must live in the country for at least five years. In 2006, he was still running in Greece, in 2007 he scored 68 points at Rucker Park, and just recently he believed that there were five million people living in the country for which he would or would not compete at EuroBasket. Be that as it may, the American-born defender is the person most familiar with the requirements for basketball that the “Tsar” is trying to put forward; he is his mouthpiece on the court.
Lishchuk is what is commonly called “Heart and Soul” in America, a true leader and soul of the team
On the front line, Fratello has two sets of bigs: some with NBA experience, others without. Finding successful combinations between them is one of the main tasks of the coaching staff for the tournament. The problem is that each of the representatives of this four has very serious rough edges. Lishchuk is what is commonly called in America “Heart and Soul”, a true leader and soul of the team, a professional to the core, one who will try to carry the team on himself along with the baggage of his injuries and injuries. Sergei’s condition after yet another injury still raises some concerns. Kravtsov simply doesn’t think fast enough on the court, which ends with the slightest loss of concentration. similar to what Turkoglu did a few years ago. Fesenko simply does not quite fit into European basketball, because he was “broken and rebuilt” for other purposes, and Pecherov...
It is called “soft”, some even dare to use the word “rag”, and it cannot be said that these people are crazy, the difference in sensations is too great. It was his weakness of character that predetermined his career in the NBA and Europe, what pushed many teams away from him, but sometimes a completely different player awakens in him, the one who, having become angry and no longer afraid of contact, literally pulled the Ukrainian national team into Division A by the ears then, when everyone, including me, had already listened to the third movement of Chopin’s second sonata and took it for granted. The funeral march walked across the country with honor. If the coaching staff or Alexey himself manage to return those amazing motives and emotions, the “yellow-blues” will receive a wonderful and very important push that can throw them out of the abyss. This is a real X-Factor, and not the nonsense that is circulated in the zombie box.
However, as many understand, the most important piece of this team is Mike Fratello. He has lost his youthful enthusiasm, he has aged considerably in appearance, but agility has been replaced by wisdom, and his hair has turned gray. “Tsar” is not just a top coach in this tournament (if not the best), but also one of the most tactically competent coaches on the entire planet. This is a person who is able to win a match with one or two correctly selected combinations. Remember the opening match of the Kiev tournament, when the team lost its rhythm and seemed completely extinguished, he drew a rally in which three players could finish the attack at once (Burtt from the right corner after a run, Gladyr from the middle or from under the ring using pick-and-roll, and also Lishchuk from a distance or during an “addition”), which broke the opponent’s defense because she was unable to orient herself and understand from which basketball player she should expect the main damage. These are spot-on solutions that win difficult matches, and if the Ukrainian national team has a couple of timeouts at its disposal in an equal ending, the basketball players in national colors will only have to carry out what he presents to them on a silver platter. And this is a matter of interaction, self-confidence and skill. They will have the soil, the rest depends solely on each of the basketball players.
I want to believe that Fratello is a magician who, together with his coaching staff, can fill all the gaps in Ukrainian basketball
The level of this team without Drozdov and Gladyr is one victory in the group. Anything more than this figure will be achieved solely through dedication and the implementation of an advantage on the coaching bench. There is not the slightest sense in raising the topic of entering the Olympic Games; in society it is customary to call this “show-off for visitors.”
I want to be wrong, to believe that Fratello is a magician who, together with his coaching staff, can fill all the gaps in Ukrainian basketball. I would like to hope that some of the national team's players will reveal themselves in a new light at this championship, that Pecherov will get angry, that Burtt will go into hunting mode for forty or fifty and pull them out by the ears, that the national team will make some noise at the continental championship.
But, living in this country, knowing about all the disadvantages and many pitfalls and trends, you again remember the Germans and AvtoVAZ. No one, even the most talented and capable professionals with a big name, is capable of cleaning up this whole nightmare, the garbage that has accumulated over two decades, in such a short time, no matter what money they receive for it and what conditions are created for them. The fault of the same performers is that they practically do not perform on the international stage and have seen the huge stands filled only three to five times in their careers, also a minimum. Where then do we get the banal ability to cope with their pressure, for example?
Previously, you had to think, but now you want to say again what has become a classic: “I told you that the place is damned...”.
All that remains is to put on a T-shirt with symbols and stupidly childishly believe in miracles.